It’s really funny you see. I hail from an all-vegetarian family including a vegan father. We are known to be slightly outlandish in our Punjabi clan. A “No thank you, Aunty, I don’t eat chicken, I am vegetarian.” can make all the lectures be directed at you. “How are you even Punjabi if you don’t eat chicken? You aren’t being true to your caste! We are a ‘tagri, khane peene wale log’. Everybody eats chicken!” in my mind, I feebly answer, “ I am Indian, not Punjabi actually, and I don’t feel the need to kill other creatures to satisfy my hunger.”
Most of the time I admire my father for his veganism, it is something I am incapable of (sorry! Just cannot give up the tiramisu!) But all other times, I pity him. His mantra is ‘eat to live, not live to eat’- as opposed to mine. He is always subject to lectures (in kick-ass Punjabi) from his mom even though he is 53. “You’ve got just this one life to live. God has given you everything, money, a house, a car, and you want to starve yourself.” Therefore, he is not allowed to even mention ill health in her house lest he wants all the attacks at his poor, harmless, and in fact healthy diet.
I can tell you from personal experience that being a vegetarian isn’t a drawback, even if you are traveling or a culinary connoisseur. I have been to US, UK, Italy, Thailand and even China where I have returned with a few extra kilos. Although in Italy, when we asked for veggie food (or cow’s food according to my hard-core non-veggie friends), we got an innocent reply from a confused waiter in his italian accent, “Feesh?” (read fish) But, seriously, I mean, nothing like a trip to places like these, where vegetarian food is rare, to make you realize the importance of fries and coke at McD or appreciate ‘yellow dal’ at seedy Indian restaurants in little India-towns in disconcerting “phoren” cities.
Before leaving for China, I was amazed to see the number of O’s formed by mouths of surprised friends and family. “What the hell are you going to survive on? Love and Air?” No, I shall travel, see the Great Wall, walk around in the land of Ming, ting and ka-ching very happily sire. Smile, smile, smile. And sure I did, I was quite satisfied with my nutrition intake each day. Plus, it is a wonderful way to focus on an all-carb diet loaded with ice cream, ice cream and ice cream!
But there are side effects of being vegetarian. Like being assaulted by immature and non-intellectual beings who claim that the ‘chickens were created by God for this purpose. They want to be eaten by us! That’s their aim in life! Otherwise, they are of no use, they will multiply and occupy all the land!’ Excuse me! If you are a useless couch potato not contributing to the country’s GDP, I am not going to cook into a fancy ‘coq au vin’ or ‘Breast of human, sautéed with blah-blah wine served with blah-blah,’ and most certainly will not fight with my cousins over your leg-piece.
The other important side effect is very common amongst innocent veggie freaks. I myself confess to having suffered from this. It called ‘suspicion’ which can be defined as ‘a feeling or belief that someone is guilty of an illegal, dishonest, or unpleasant action’ and especially occurs at places that arouse such feelings such as - a Chinese restaurant. Shittake mushrooms? Treshing? Schulamen? We order, the waiter confirms and we feel a little at peace. But then the order arrives and we begin the testing process. How is the food? Uhmm. Nice. But hey the soup, I think that’s chicken broth. A piece of mushroom in the noodles and ‘See I told you that’s non-veg.’ So, therefore, ‘House of Chinese, Ming garden or the like is not certified as serving vegetarian food in the name of vegetarian. Signed, with authority and in public interest, by the Indian Suspicious Vegetarian Janata Party’ Oh do I see you wincing already? Don’t worry we’re not going to demand for quotas in all institutions nor will we demand you to leave our homeland and look for jobs elsewhere.
All in all, it is interesting experience being vegetarian. For those of us who were feasting on Mother Nature’s greens since time immemorial, we got to say ‘I told you so’ when Pachauri and Gore won the green Nobel. Oh yeah, our chests were bursting with pride! But that isn’t the only advantage we’re going to be getting. When the chickens will take over the world, we have a chance of being spared! As for you, eaters of the poor, harmless creatures will bear the brunt of your unrestrained tummy pangs and will serve as appetizers. ‘Homo sapien a la Vin, avec coleslaw’ anyone?
